Am I the
problem?
Eight questions, an instant verdict, no score-shaming and no five-page wrap-up. Answer like you would to a friend who is not afraid of you. If you keep asking AITA about the same person, the answer might be in the asking.
Q01Do the same fights keep happening, even with different people?
Different cast, same script.
Q02When someone names a problem with you, is your first move to attack their framing?
Not whether they were right. Whether defense came first.
Q03Do you keep a mental scoreboard and assume everyone agreed to the rules?
They did not. Most people do not know the game is on.
Q04When you retell a conflict, do you trim the part where you started it?
The part you always skip is the part that matters.
Q05Have two or more people you trust said a version of the same hard thing about you?
One is an opinion. Two is a pattern.
Q06Do apologies from you tend to include the word "but"?
"I am sorry, but" is a defense with a bow on it.
Q07Do you feel a small relief when the other person messes up first?
Relief means you were building a case, not a relationship.
Q08Deep down, did you already know the answer before you opened this quiz?
Most people do. The quiz is how they ask out loud.
Am I overreacting?
Different question, same anatomy. Overreacting means your response outweighs the event, and occasionally that is true: bad week, low sleep, old wound freshly bumped. But if you notice you are asking "am I overreacting?" on a schedule, and always about the same person, flip the question: what keeps happening that needs this much reacting? People in steady dynamics almost never have to poll the internet about whether their feelings are legal.
The cleanest test we know: write the situation down as if a friend sent it to you. Read it cold. Whatever you would tell her, tell yourself. And if what you keep second-guessing is your own memory of events, read the gaslighting phrases guide before you conclude the problem is your sensitivity.
Am I being unreasonable?
The British cousin of the same question (AIBU, for the Mumsnet crowd). Reasonable is not a feeling, it is a comparison: would a neutral stranger, hearing both sides, blink at your request? That is literally the mechanic the AITA format runs on, and it is why hearing OTHER people’s cases calibrates you faster than any listicle. Fifty verdicts in, you know where the line sits. Your own situation gets easier to read from that distance.
Calibrate on other people’s cases.
“My therapist told me I might be the difficult one. I fired her.” Hear it, vote, see the jury split. On iPhone.
